The Speckled Freak
by BJ
Chapter 1 Early Childhood
My challenges began early in life, well before I was born. But the first time I became aware of them was at age three. That was when my dad told me, “Your skin could kill you.” I remember that moment vividly. I thought to myself, “OK, I need to figure out how to deal with this.” I was born on August 11, 1956, in Ashland County, Ohio, with a giant bathing trunk nevus and eventually popped out over 1000 smaller satellite nevi. Nevus is a word derived from Latin meaning birthmark. My level of gigantic birthmark occurs once in a quarter to half million babies. The word freak denotes something unusual or rare. Yes, I was a speckled freak of nature all right! That was me! And “speckled freak” was my nickname in high school, which was a very appropriate description, I might add. At the time, it was very painful to hear, and I wanted to melt into the ground and disappear in shame, but now I wish I had been given enough encouragement and confidence to fully embrace it! Why not?! I am a speckled freak! I’m unique and special! As is every single human on earth….
I lived on a farm and saw things live and die all the time, so I was never that fearful about dying. It was a normal, natural part of life. My dad was very matter-of-fact about the whole thing. He was not terrified or nervous, which was calming and helpful to me. I learned to accept this reality as a matter of course. And living under the “sword of Damocles” turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Damocles was a Greek royal courier who briefly exchanged places with King Dionysus and sat on the throne with a sword hanging by single horsehair over his head. The sword was ready to drop at any time to kill him, symbolizing the danger anyone in power lives with constantly. Damocles rather quickly relinquished the throne back to Dionysus. Unlike Damocles, however, I could not change places with anyone. So I immediately decided even at age 3 to pack the most that I could into the stream of life because I might be alive on this planet only a short time. Helga, another person with a bathing trunk nevus that I met many years later, characterized it as a “motivator for intensified living.” And it was. Carpe diem! Seize the day. Live in the present moment. The past is a memory; the future is a dream; and the present is a gift. I didn’t realize it then, but everyone lives under the “sword of Damocles.” None of us are guaranteed to live through today.
When I was three or four, my great-aunt, whom we called “Ciotka,” pronounced choht-kah, which is Polish for the word aunt, told my mom, “They will always stare at her.” Yes, indeed! Staring at something unusual is a normal, natural reaction to the unknown. Staring helps a person or animal (yes, they stare, too, at something new!) decide if something unusual is a danger or not. When faced with something unusual, we pause, we stare, we listen to see if we need to take action to protect ourselves from something dangerous. Adults stare far more than kids because adults have learned that there is danger in the world. Very young kids have not learned that yet, so young kids, in general, are less afraid of the unknown and stare less aggressively. Staring is normal! If I met someone who was a speckled freak like me, you bet I would and should stare.
Well, OK, now how about some guidance from adults on learning to cope with the staring? Never happened. This was the beginning of my disillusionment with adult intelligence… Staring is a form of natural aggression toward the possibly dangerous unknown, and I wanted to melt into the ground to escape it. I tried to hide, to escape, but my parents put me out there where there was no escape. So I melted inside. Eventually I learned various techniques to cope with it on my own, without help from anyone around me. Adults are clueless!
Ciotka bought me some beautiful little girl dresses. I still remember them, three or four lined up on hangers in the closet. But they were well above the knee and I was not good at keeping my dress down all the time at that age. My nevus and scars go down to my knees. My mom refused to buy me opaque tights so that I could wear them more easily, so she wouldn’t let me wear them. They were so beautiful and I would have so loved to wear them with tights…. I would look at them longingly on their hangers. Eventually she gave them away. Imagine my rage when I found a picture of my mom’s First Holy Communion at age 7—wearing, yes, white tights! I saw red—literally--red that obliterated everything for a moment. She wears tights, but she won’t let me wear them! Me, with a nevus, scars, and legs covered in black, hairy spots. That was another continuation of my disappointment and disillusionment with adult intelligence, or rather lack thereof.
My next major challenge were the five unsuccessful surgeries I had between the ages of 2 and 4, three dermabrasions of my thighs and two skin grafts of my upper back, leaving a good third of my body covered in scars. I clearly remember the last one at age 4. It’s not a good memory, that’s for sure!
Like most of humanity, I was unlucky enough to be born into a dysfunctional family. My parents were completely incompatible with each other. They should never have married, never stayed married, and never had any kids together at all. Suffering from substantial amounts of generational and individual trauma, they were both rageaholics, arguing and yelling at each other constantly during their long 50-plus year non-marriage. Consequently, I and my 2 brothers were subjected to a high level of stress starting in utero. No one should bring an innocent little baby into the world unless they can provide a near-ideal welcome for it for the next 18 years. No one! If I had had my choice, I would never have chosen my family at all, and that applies to most of us on the planet. Maybe my spirit could have found a better family to live in. Or even a better planet… Unfortunately, I was stuck, with myself, with my dysfunctional family, and with my skin.
My nevus is huge, from my shoulder blades to my knees, and no surgery should ever have been attempted because surgery cannot fix the unfixable. Message to adults: stop trying to do the impossible! Develop some common sense. Unfortunately, common sense isn’t common. Nearly all my surgeries made me even worse off. More itching, more irritation, thinner, more sensitive, more fragile skin, varicose veins 55 years later from the venous cutdown on my left ankle, mild brain damage from at least five and possibly up to ten episodes of general anesthesia with dressing changes, blood transfusions with risk of blood-borne diseases, risk of infection, isolation from home, neglect of my older brother, discord in the family, and waste of my fellow citizens’ money. The list of possible adverse effects of surgery is very, very long. Surgery, which literally means cutting into a person with a sharp knife, from the Greek words for “hand” and “work,” should generally be a last resort because it is so traumatic. And again, one may not even live through the surgery, which is why it should be a last resort.
To the trauma of surgery, add in the trauma of anesthesia. General anesthesia, which decreases the communication between neurons in the brain bringing on a state similar to sleep, can be compared to a car battery that has run down. Yes, that battery can be recharged, but certainly the lifespan of the battery is shortened if it is completely discharged. Anesthesia medications disturb normal brain communication, which certainly affects the brain negatively. In the young and middle-aged, this might be very subtle, but it is most apparent in extremely young infants and especially in the elderly, who often take several months to recover cognitive function after general anesthesia. Sometimes the elderly never do. So, yes, anesthesia causes some brain damage. That is simply common sense. Our brains aren’t made to be shut down ever. Some people also develop allergic reactions to anesthesia. A rare few develop malignant hyperthermia from anesthetics, which is a medical emergency and potentially fatal. Thus anesthesia should always be avoided if possible. Anesthesia is not “safe and effective.” Instead it is “more or less safe and effective,” which applies to all medical interventions. People are killed by such mundane things as acetaminophen and ibuprofen. In fact, there is probably no medical intervention that doesn’t have a fatality rate! General anesthesia should always be avoided when possible. Sometimes there are safer alternatives, such as local anesthetics, epidurals or spinals or regional nerve blocks. Sometimes a person just has to bite the bullet and undergo general…. When a person is under general anesthesia, machines breathe for the person. If there is a malfunction in the machine or in the monitoring or any number of other technical issues, the person stops breathing and eventually goes into cardiac arrest and dies. So everyone should strive to avoid general anesthesia and breathe for themselves! A person can be sedated, but again, the person is partially zonked out and must depend on others…. Not a good place to be in. Better to breathe by oneself and stay aware of the surroundings….
And surgery always leaves some scars. Scars are weak. They have only 70% of the strength of intact human skin. They are stiff. They don’t stretch. They aren’t malleable like intact skin. They can’t handle friction, so areas of high friction, such as the ankle, the wrists, the elbows, the hands, the buttocks, etc., should have surgery only if there is no other alternative. They can’t even handle the friction of scratching an itchy area like a mosquito bite without pain and often bleeding. One can easily wear a hole through the scars on an ankle with boots while on a hike. Scars on the soles can be a disaster due to the friction of walking. I have skin-grafted scars over the bra line on my back, which has given me a lifetime of irritation, itching, and pain, all for nada…. I mean moolah!… One time I was quite stressed out driving through Chicago, Illinois traffic and I pushed against my seat too hard during the drive and wore a hole in myself from my bra hooks with blood dripping down my scarred back! Years later I fabbed up a towel folded lengthwise with a depression or ditch in the middle and padded on both sides that I tie to the car seat back, and position myself so that my vertebra, which are covered simply by scar tissue, are in the ditch and padded and protected from excess friction and pressure. I should have ditched the bra anyhow. I recently learned that bras subtly raise the risk of breast cancer because they are restrictive and block lymph flow. Cancer rises with lymph blockage. This is why one should never wear tight pants or tight clothes of any type. Bras should be worn only when really needed and avoided otherwise. Tight pants raise the risk of endometriosis, back-flow of menstrual fluid into the abdominal cavity. Men should loosen their neckties by ¼ inch or so to decrease pressure on the neck leading to the head.
The worst problem with scars is their awful appearance. They stretch out, they pull, they can distort an eye or a face, they can enlarge when becoming hypertrophied or keloided, they are an ugly pink, red, yellow, or brown color, different from the surrounding skin. The nerves to the skin are cut during the surgery and they heal in a disorganized fashion, so scars hurt and usually itch. When one looks at a scar, one has a visceral sensation of pain. When one looks at a nevus, even a thick bulbous nevus, one has a sensation of curiosity, of wonder that skin could ever be so unique, even if one is initially repulsed by the nevus. With rare exceptions, a nevus looks better than extensive scars. Nevus kids may find it easier to explain a scar, because anyone could get a scar, but harder to explain a nevus since many people might think a birth defect was a punishment from “god.” This is one reason why nevus kids often request surgery in their teens, without knowing all the adverse effects of surgery, of course. I often lied and told people who questioned my scars that I had been burned. They understand burns. They don’t understand birth defects. And I wasn’t given enough confidence and courage to tell the truth. Fortunately, I had enough sense, barely, not to request further unsuccessful surgery, even though I was desperate to be “normal.”
Many people still think a birth defect is a punishment by “god.” I clearly remember several adults telling me that, which devastated me at the time… One time a woman assaulted me by hitting me on the shoulder while I was swimming laps in a regular swimsuit to tell me exactly that! I crumpled into pieces and was zombified in anguish for the next 24 hours afterward. Of course, now we know it is a sporadic (“mostly” nonhereditary) gene mutation which occurs during the 3rd month of pregnancy.
In technical language, congenital melanocytic nevi occur as a result of in-utero somatic mutations concerning genes that play a role in the mitogen-activated protein kinase (MAPK) pathway, mainly NRAS and BRAF. These mutations lead to the development of cutaneous (and sometimes extracutaneous) mosaicisms. NRAS stands for neuroblastoma RAS viral and RAS within that abbreviation stands for "Rat sarcoma virus". The NRAS gene was discovered by Christopher Marshall while working on human sarcoma cell lines. The NRAS gene is located on chromosome 1 and it is roughly 12,303 base pairs long. The BRAF gene is a gene found on Chromosome 7 that encodes B-Raf, a serine/threonine kinase. B-Raf is a member of the Raf kinase family and plays a crucial role in regulating the MAP kinase/ERKs signaling pathway. It controls how cells grow, multiply, and survive. A BRAF mutation refers to a spontaneous change in the BRAF gene, leading to an alteration in the protein it encodes. The most common BRAF mutation is known as BRAF V600E, where the amino acid valine (V) is replaced by glutamic acid (E) at the 600th position of the protein. So that is the technical explanation. I wish I had known at least some of this as a child, so that I could defend myself better, but that knowledge was unknown until relatively recently.
Now why would an adult tell me that I or my ancestors must have done something very evil to be punished by “god” because I had a nevus? Let’s blame the victim! A key psychological concept that explains victim blaming is the “belief in a just world.” Many people hold an unconscious belief that the world operates fairly, where individuals reap what they sow. This cognitive bias allows individuals to make illusory sense of chaotic and unpredictable events. However, when confronted with instances of violence or misfortune that seem random, this belief creates a paradox. To reconcile the idea that bad things only happen to those who deserve them, adults may unconsciously attribute blame to the victim. This distortion helps maintain their ow illusion of safety and order, and decreases their fear and anxiety, even though it unfairly penalizes those who have been harmed. Adults know subconsciously that bad things can happen randomly to good and bad people, and they, too, could have been born with a nevus. They are protecting themselves emotionally from the possibility of suffering such a disfiguring birth defect. Blame the victim! I knew I hadn’t done anything evil to merit punishment, but such attitudes by fearful adults substantially increased my anguish.
In my 20’s I read a book, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People,” by Harold S. Kushner. Kushner’s son was born with and died very young from progeria, a disease of premature aging. That book changed my life because Kushner, in his efforts to find meaning in this tragedy, decided that the question to ask was not “Why me?” but instead “Why not me?” This could have happened to anyone, why not me? WHY NOT ME? That was an amazingly healing way to look at my situation….. Anyone could be born with a giant nevus, why not me? Humans are born with or acquire all kinds of horrific health problems. Why not me? And why not YOU?
Because of my extended family’s dysfunction with no relatives who wanted to help, I was dumped off at the hospital for major surgeries, and then my mom would come pick me up a week or 10 days later. My paternal grandmother even said, “They have nurses at a hospital, so she doesn’t need anyone with her,” and refused to help at all. One time I head Dr. Phil, a popular talk show host who is also a psychologist, say, “Your family will try to find out exactly what you need to make sure you don’t get it!” That was my family, and many, many other families in this messed-up world! My father was against the surgeries, saying they wouldn’t help, and he really should have put his foot down and prevented the abuse, especially after the first failed surgery. But he basically dropped out of any decisions in our upbringing. He was there, but he wasn’t there… He was in his own little world. Please don’t have kids if you want to live in your own little world!! My mom thought the surgery would help, but she should have come to her senses after the first failed one, too. My family doctor should have known from the beginning that surgery was useless. How could he have obtained a medical degree and not known that? And after seeing the poor surgical results, he should have come to his senses. Since I was a charity case and my care was being paid for by the state of Ohio, the guaranteed payment of money definitely caused my plastic surgeon to lose any shred of common sense. And I had my surgeries at Rainbow Babies and Children’s in Cleveland, Ohio, which is a teaching hospital, so in the early 1960’s, I was a good guinea pig for the surgical residents to practice on.
That was the continuation of my becoming more disappointed and disillusioned with adult lack of intelligence. I realized that very clearly after I did 2 months of surgery rotation as a medical student years later and learned the narrow limits and benefits of surgery. If a 3nd-year med student, such as myself at the time, could clearly see surgery will not help a patient such as myself, then certainly my family doctor and my plastic surgeon could also, but succumbed to the money. Imagine knifing a little kid for money! Awful…. I don’t know how some doctors sleep at night…. Medicine, like most professions, and indeed, most of the world, is full of corruption, of adult children acting out their childhood trauma on new victims. And what kind of abuser would surgerize a little girl with unneeded, sure-to-fail surgery with no family present? A little girl all alone in a huge hospital undergoing major surgery without mommy or daddy? Adults are crazy! My mom’s 1951 Ford broke down, so when I was supposed to be discharged after the last surgery at age 4 in 1960, I waited and waited at the elevator door for her to come. She never did. We had no telephone then, and we were too poor for her to make a pay call, so she had no way to reach the hospital. A nurse handed me a cookie and tried to comfort me, saying “It’s ok.” It was my first remembered experience with toxic positivity. I dashed that cookie to the ground and stamped on it, screaming, “I don’t want a cookie, I want my mommy!” Then I thought to myself, “And no, it’s not OK, and don’t lie to me by telling me it will be.” Nurses and doctors lie a lot. That nurse could have said something like, “I’m sorry your mommy isn’t here now, but she will come later on.” That was probably the only cookie I threw away for many years, on my way to using food addictively as an emotional survival tool to comfort myself and cope with my pain. My mom finally came 2 long days later after the car was repaired…. What I needed was emotional help in coping with the nevus, not getting knifed all alone in surgery. Of course, no emotional help was ever offered or given.
This is how one surgeon described surgery: “For anyone who works with their hands (musicians, machinists, artists, carpenters, surgeons, etc.), over time and with extensive practice, a deep intuition and flow develops, allowing for the steady progression towards expertise and excellence. This is why surgical specialty training programs require a minimum of 5 years of supervised guidance, after which years of diligent work are needed for mastery of surgery. Feeling the tissues and organs, gently moving and manipulating them, while struggling to heal the whole person, all lead to developing pattern recognition beyond what is written and thus becomes an instinctual understanding. This understanding allows for creativity in unique situations and a very special form of healing. This is the true art of surgery.” But, then the corruption slowly or rapidly creeps in, and a little girl is surgically abused for money and power…. And this happens frequently…. All over the world.
I happened to meet my plastic surgeon 23 years later, past the statute of limitations for medical malpractice, and had the pleasure, albeit a poor substitute for appropriate medical care, of dressing him down, yelling at him as loud as I could that he surgerized me for money and left me far worse off in life in front of all the staff and patients at that clinic. I was a 3rd year medical student dressing down the chief of plastic surgery! And what did he do? Put his head down and shuffled his feet. What an abomination … He knew and I knew that he had committed a crime….. None of the adults in this situation acted appropriately, my mom in desperation to make me “normal,” my dad for wimping out, and my doctors to make money and practice on me as a guinea pig. Moral of this story: get second and even third opinions and use your own common sense and intuition when evaluating any and all medical recommendations. Take charge of your own health and make your own decisions… Try to avoid any medical treatments or interventions unless absolutely necessary. Believe me, medical intelligence and expertise is far overrated! You are the expert on you! And I was the expert on me!
Chapter 2 Kindergarten
While in kindergarten at age 5, a classmate named Kim sidled up to me and quite aggressively and impudently picked up my skirt to look at and touch my nevus-covered, dermabraded, and scarred thighs. What a bodily invasion! I hurriedly pushed my skirt back down to cover my skin and I felt really naked and ashamed. I would never think of picking up another girl’s skirt to look underneath. Never! That was such bad manners! I was taught to be “nice.” I would never act out like that…. When I went home after school, I told my mom, “Mom, Kim picked up my skirt in front of everyone to look at my skin. What should I do?” My mom answered, “Some kids are like that.” “Yes, but what should I do?” No answer. My mom’s response was of no help to me. I didn’t even bother asking my dad, because he wasn’t interested in any of his kids’ problems. We need to develop a society where adults only bring kids into the world when they are committed to staying with the other parent and raising the kid for the next 18 years in a functional manner. There were/are a few societies like that, such as the Haudenosaunee of upstate New York, which was a kid-friendly, rape-free society. Yes, there are rape-free societies on this planet…. Imagine that! I pondered the situation, perplexed that adults had such difficulty problem-solving, and decided that the next time it happened, I was going to shove the person away really, really hard, even if I got into trouble. I did not want to get into trouble, but was willing to risk it. Kim must have sensed that, because neither she nor anyone else ever tried that again.
Now I realize that Kim was just curious and rightfully so, even though she acted out badly to satiate her curiosity! She may have been afraid I was contagious. My parents and I should have met with the teacher for a “show n’ tell” to explain to the class that I have a birthmark called a nevus. It’s not hereditary. It’s not contagious. It won’t go away. It doesn’t hurt. Occasionally it itches. Sometimes treatment helps. Sometimes it doesn’t. It’s caused by a genetic mutation. Humans need an explanation to allay their fears when they meet anything unusual, because they know unusual things can be dangerous, including someone with a rare condition. This is a biological survival trait. Helga, a nevus person with a bathing trunk, was the first to come up with the idea of having “medical cards,” similar to business cards, printed up to give to people when we are not able or willing to provide a verbal explanation. We can’t explain our nevus to all 8 billion humans on the planet, even if we wanted to. Too tiring, and too emotionally difficult. As a person with a nevus, I find adults are more difficult to deal with than children, as previously mentioned, precisely because adults have learned that the new and the unusual can be dangerous. Kids don’t know that yet, so they are more tolerant.
Back in 1961, however, explanations didn’t happen. I was taught to hide my skin. I was taught to be ashamed of how I looked. I often wanted to melt into the ground and disappear. And I am sure many people wondered if I had something contagious. And they may have thought that my family and I were crazy and were deliberately trying to infect them! They didn’t know. They just saw a speckled freak. It would have been fantastic to have a show ‘n tell in appropriate venues, such as school, and to hand out a nevus card to anyone staring, such as beaches, pools, sports, to allay their legitimate fears! Didn’t happen…. Never happened… Someone with a nevus who must always “show,” such as a facial nevus, should hand out a string of these to anyone staring. Someone who can “hide” the nevus, as it’s located in areas usually covered by clothing, might need them only in certain situations. By the way, hiding has its benefits: one does not have to confront others’ reactions to the nevus ALL the time. And hiding has its detriments: the constant stress that one’s nevus might be “discovered,” with others reacting with shock and disgust, and the constant stress of how to disclose a hidden nevus, which I will cover in more detail later…. I would be petrified with fear that my blouse or my skirt would ride up and reveal the nevus. Either way, a nevus adds a huge amount of stress to a person’s life, and my parents and my doctors completely dropped the ball in helping me cope with it.
My parents and I should have been sent to counseling and definitely NOT to surgery in order to brainstorm ways to cope with the situation. Even if birth defects and most other life topics were taboo topics in the 1960’s, a counselor could have helped my mom to vent her emotions and be given some suggestions to make life easier, like wearing opaque tights. My dad, like many men, would unfortunately never have gone, but he should have. Guys wimp out on their responsibilities way too often. If you don’t want to properly care for kids by learning better ways to care for them, then don’t have them! If you want to be a neglectful father off in your own world too busy with your own trivia, then don’t bring poor innocent babies into the world! And this applies to the great majority of fathers in our society, many of whom are absentee fathers, little more than sperm donors, nowadays.
There are/were societies where kids grow up with 2 functional parents and a village, all three of which are essential. Native Americans prior to invasion and contamination by Europeans generally had small families so as not to outstrip their land or resources. That was an absolute revelation to me the first time I read that by a Native American. Small families so as not to outstrip available land and resources. What a common-sense idea! My grandparents all came from families of twelve kids, neglected, abused, with lack of food, land, and resources. Sometimes I wonder what the heck my great-grandparents could have been thinking, bringing all those babies into chaos? How were they going to feed and care for all those precious babies? At least my father would often say, “How are they going to feed them? How?” when hearing of a large family unable to properly welcome another unwanted addition. Native Americans had far more common sense. They were thus able to spend copious amounts of time to properly raise their two to three children while being excellent stewards of their land and resources. This was why the North American continent was in great shape even though upwards of 40 million people lived here for upwards of 30,000 years. Now only 500 years after European invasion and theft, much of our continent is in a deplorable state. Thirty-five acres of our 50-acre family farm were ruined by clearcutting starting in 1813 when the first European squatters arrived. Then the rains came and washed away the topsoil. What waste. What profligacy. If the human experiment on planet earth has a future, we desperately need a more sustainable outlook on life, starting with hands-on parenting while facing reality. Yes, back to reality: it is impossible to fix the unfixable. A daughter with a giant bathing trunk nevus is unfixable. Unfixable, that is, until we discover a way to “erase” a nevus with all its associated abnormalities, if we ever do. Pouf, it’s gone! For now, acceptance is the answer to all the problems that cannot be fixed. And I received no help at all from anyone in finding acceptance of my situation…. And more disillusionment with adult intelligence….
Chapter 3 Our Toxic, High-Tech Environment is Killing Us!
Disclaimer: The information in this chapter is based on the experience and research done by the author. It is for informational and educational purposes. This information is not intended to be a substitute for the medical advice of a licensed physician, which will be specific for each individual. The reader should consult with their doctor in any matter relating to their health. The author does not accept any liability of any kind for any damages caused, directly or indirectly, from the use of the information in this chapter.
We humans have been genetically programmed for over 300,000 years to live in harmony, as much as possible, with our natural environment on planet Earth. Any deviation from that stresses our cells in some way, usually adversely, especially in light of the Law of Unintended Consequences. Our high-tech lifestyle bombards us daily with unnatural stressors, from EMFs to pesticides to plastic nanoparticles. The deluge is now overwhelming our natural defenses, which is one reason why human lifespan is dropping and chronic illness is occurring at very young ages….
Nevus people are, of course, stressed out far more than “normals,” if one believes such a thing as a “normal” exists. I don’t. And I use the term nevus person or person with a nevus because I dislike the term “nevus owner.” I didn’t “buy” my nevus and I don’t “own” it! I am a person with a nevus, which I never wanted, and NOT a nevus owner. Anyway, I digress from the subject at hand….
The increased stress we humans face now starts in utero. Most women and most men eat an unhealthy diet of highly processed food in this country. Most highly processed food is poisonous, such as commercial candy, cookies, cakes, hamburgers, breads, French fries, chicken nuggets, mac and cheese with white flour mac and fake cheese, frozen dinners, canned meatballs and spaghetti, designer coffee drinks with a week’s worth of sugar in each drink, etc, etc, etc. Sugar is a delicious addicting poison. It is delicious; it is addicting; and it is poisonous. The poor fetus in utero has no choice but to partake of this poisonous diet. Now let’s add ubiquitous EMF exposure. EMF is short for “Electro-Magnetic Field.” These man-made, non-natural fields are the products of the electricity in our homes and the telecommunication devices we use. So these EMF’s are stressing and thus damaging our cells and the fetus in uturo. Then many men and women who become parents smoke, drink, and do drugs, all of which damage the poor fetus. Add in plastic nanoparticles, pesticides like glycophate, indoor and outdoor air pollution, heavy metals in toothpaste, arsenic in rice, PFAS in dental floss, plastic in tea bags leeching into our tea as we steep it, microwave ovens denaturing proteins such as in meat or eggs and raising the risk of cancer, pollutants in coffee, toxic dyes in food, toxic chemicals in shampoos and skin care products absorbed through our skin, chemicals in clothing and furniture, emulsifiers like carrageenan, polysorbate 80, and guar gum which are pro-inflammatory and used in many foods including ice cream, tragically rendering ice cream poisonous, and endocrine-disrupting BPA and BPS in thermal-imprinted receipts from our gas station or grocery store. Yes, our receipts are trying to kill us! And that is only a small portion of the daily assaults we all face.
The sound waves from ultrasounds, of course, are unnatural and cause subtle fetal damage. It’s subtle, but it’s there. And all this damage is cumulative…. Delicate fetal cells are not acclimated genetically to tolerate the blast of harsh sound waves. There are even videos of fetuses blasted with ultrasound swimming to the other side of the uterus to try to get away. Ultrasound strength is limited legally, but unfortunately, naïve parents (and their doctors) wanted clearer pictures and thus higher sound levels were eventually allowed. Think of the Law of Unintended Consequences when well-meaning parents blast their fetus with ultrasound to identify the sex of the baby! Being involved in nevus support since 1983, when another nevus person and I started the Nevus Network, I would estimate that 90% of ultrasounds could be avoided. Certainly there are times during pregnancy, especially when complications develop, when an ultrasound can be a lifesaver, but those are fortunately rare.
Obviously MRI’s are similar to ultrasounds in that they also cause cell damage. MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) primarily uses radiofrequency (RF) electromagnetic waves, combined with static and gradient magnetic fields, to generate detailed images of the body. These are non-ionizing, meaning that they do not give off radiation, and they are similar to those used in FM radio and microwaves. Human cells, especially delicate infant cells, are definitely not acclimated to such potent magnetic fields or waves. They cause slight, subtle changes in the protein of human cells, thus subtly increasing the risk of cancer over time, just like the meat or eggs cooked in a microwave oven. Of course, it is well known that X-rays and CT’s (computed tomography), which do give off ionizing radiation, cause cancer and other health problems.
Nevus babies are often subjected to MRI’s shortly after birth. I would estimate that 90% of these MRI’s offer no benefit at all. I’ve never had one, thank goodness, and, knock on wood, have never needed one, either. Nevus cells come from neuroectodermal precursor cells. Neuro relates to the brain, spinal cord, and nerves. Ectodermal means related to the skin. Yes, surprisingly, the skin and the brain come from the same precursor cells! So if those precursor cells get messed up during gestation to cause a nevus, it only makes sense that if there are nevus cells in the skin, they are also in the brain since they both came from the same origin. I would assume that all of us nevus people have neurocutaneous melanosis to a greater or lesser degree. Neuro means nerve, cutaneous means skin. Melanosis means extra pigment. Yes, that probably fits all of us nevus people. Maybe some of us only have a very few cells, too few to ever be picked up by an MRI, which is probably why many nevus people have probably false negative MRI’s that show no melanin deposits, when, in fact, they simply have a low level. Or the MRI was done incorrectly or beyond age 3 months, and the extra melanin was not seen. I would again estimate that 90% of MRI’s are not needed, and are not worth the subtle damage to human cells from the magnetic waves. However, if a nevus person develops seizures, severe and worsening headaches, intractable vomiting, vision changes, mental status changes, problems urinating or defecating, balance problems, problems with mobility, or anything strange, persistent, and worsening, an evaluation with an MRI may be essential. It’s a judgement call. I once had a bad headache for 3 weeks, and I never get headaches, which is not a good situation to be in for a nevus person. It didn’t get worse, but it didn’t get better. I was about to throw in the towel after 3 weeks and get evaluated when it finally, thankfully, went away. I have no idea what caused it, but since it hasn’t, knock on wood, recurred, I fagotaboutit. Don’t ask for trouble is one of my mottos!
And the trauma to the nevus parents and the nevus baby generated by MRI’s is substantial. The fasting needed, the sedation given with its possible adverse side effects, the parental anxiety engendered, the anxiety and fear transmitted to the nevus person, the general anesthesia that is sometimes used to knock the kiddo unconscious, the needlesticks jabbed into the poor victim for an IV, the endless redos with some of our support group members enduring 8-10 MRI’s during childhood, all of that is so very far removed from the natural life of our ancestors. All of it causes subtle, cumulative damage. We have had 2-3 cardiac arrests where nevus kids nearly died, mainly from too high a level of sedation causing respiratory failure leading to cardiac arrest in the MRI scanner. Fortunately, so far, no nevus person has been killed by an MRI, but that will probably come one day.
Unfortunately, there have been non-nevus deaths from MRI’s. People can be fatally injured in MRI machines if ferromagnetic objects are brought into the magnetic field. In July 2025, Keith McAllister, 61, was killed after being sucked into an MRI. The incident occurred while his wife was undergoing a routine knee scan. McAllister entered the MRI room to assist her and was wearing a 20-pound metallic chain around his neck used for weight training. The MRI machine’s strong magnetic field pulled the chain and McAllister into the machine, causing severe injuries as he was rolled and banged around. Despite attempts by his wife and a technician to free him, he died two days later in the hospital. In a horrific incident that shocked New York and the entire US, six-year-old Michael Columbini, was tragically killed by a flying oxygen cylinder during an MRI scan. The metal container, hurtling at 20 to 30 feet per second, shattered the boy’s skull after being yanked in by the MRI's massive 10-ton electromagnet. MRI machines generate extremely strong magnetic fields, which can attract ferromagnetic objects with great force. Items such as chains, tools, oxygen tanks, or wheelchairs can become projectiles, posing a serious risk to anyone nearby. Fatalities are rare but can occur when a person is directly attached to or in contact with a heavy metallic object that is pulled into the scanner. Now imagine what those extremely strong magnetic fields are doing inside an infant’s body or even an adult’s body to human cells…. It’s no wonder our high-tech toxic environment is killing us!
Nonetheless, MRI’s have become the standard of care for several reasons, primarily to decrease malpractice risk even to the detriment of the patient, to increase billings and generate revenue, that is to make money, and because people are fascinated by new tech toys. Once a human has a hammer, everything becomes a nail. Then the Law of Unintended Consequences rears its inevitable head. And the MRI results are often meaningless. We have had people with normal MRI’s develop neurocutaneous melanosis and die, and people with abnormal MRI’s remain asymptomatic. 90% of the time, they are basically worthless. If one has no worrisome symptoms, then my take on it is “don’t ask for trouble.” And don’t ask for more cell damage.
I also try to get in some “earthing” every day. Our ancestors walked directly on the earth, so they always had the proper slightly negative electric charge in harmony with the earth. Our cells are acclimated to this charge. We now walk on plastic-soled shoes and are surrounded by non-natural electric charges. So earthing, also known as grounding, connects a person’s body with the Earth's natural electric charges, promoting stability and well-being. By simply walking barefoot on the grass or using indoor grounding systems, this practice aims to reduce stress, inflammation, and improve sleep. Experts recommend at least 30 minutes of earthing to experience potential health benefits. I get maybe 10 minutes, but it is better than nothing. In winter, I do earthing by hugging trees with my bare hands for a few minutes or petting the dog when she is outside. Sometimes stoves and bathtubs are connected to a ground, which means one can “earth” by touching them, but it is difficult for me to verify whether mine are or not. Maybe I will research this more when I have time!!
What else is killing us? Well, my toaster emits UFP’s, ultrafine particles of metals from the hot electric coils, which are inhaled deep into the lungs, so I try to crack a window when I use the toaster and keep my nose away from it. Ditto hair dryers. Tight clothes block lymph flow and increase cancer, so I wear loose clothes. Bras, which are tight to be supportive, raise the risk of cancer of breast cancer by the same mechanism. Who knew that my bra is trying to kill me! So I ditch the bra whenever I can. I see so many young women poured into their tight jeans with their cell phone in the back pocket, both of which raise cancer rates. Ditto for too-tight ties around the necks of men. I try to keep the cell mostly a foot or two away from me, and especially not near my head. And I turn it off when possible, and keep it in another room at night. TV and computer screens are also trying to kill us with EMF and unnatural light. In fact, I try to use incandescent lights in the areas where I spend a lot of time, because all the other lights have even more unnatural wave lengths and are also trying to kill me. Aluminum is everywhere, so I use cast iron or ceramic cookware and try to avoid excess aluminum, as it is implicated in dementia. I also drink silica water, which supposedly removes aluminum from the brain. I say supposedly because who can trust anything nowadays? I do take some vitamins and supplements, but not daily and not in excess as too much or too little of them are both toxic. Unfortunately, what is in the vitamin or supplement bottle may not be what the label says is in there, and I generally have no way of verifying the contents. Supplements with 3rd party verification are probably the safest. The difference between a medicine and a poison is often the dose…. Swimming pool chlorine is damaging, so I always rinse down before entering the pool and shower off right afterward. I’m stuck breathing chlorinated air while swimming indoors, but I try to swim a half mile once a week, so that is a tolerable dose…. I filter my water with a filter that supposedly removes contaminants, but whose to know if it really does? Air-conditioning recirculates contaminated air because who knows how well the filter really works? My outside air is fairly clean, so I keep windows open or cracked year-round. Indoor air is usually filthy, especially with out-gassing of all the chemicals and materials found in modern houses. Sleep is very important, as inadequate sleep increases the risk of dementia and probably raises cancer risk. Nylon toothbrushes shower us with plastic nanoparticles. Yes, our toothbrush is trying to kill us, too! And plastic food containers are trying to kill us off also. As much as possible, I try to store food in glass. That is not easy….. Plastic is ubiquitous…. But I can only do what I can only do….
I could go on and on and on, but the picture is obvious: our high-tech environment is killing us! Think of all the people killed and injured in auto accidents, around 40,000 each year. Our lives would be so much safer if we had kept our trains. Less pollution, less money wasted on roads, less farmland destroyed forever under ribbons of concrete. What can we do about all this? The answer is to go low-tech or no-tech, to mimic the world of our ancestors as much as possible. This is not what people addicted to technology want to hear, but that is the answer our cells want and deserve.
I personally do try to go no-tech and low-tech as much as possible. It isn’t easy! And there are a lot of other things I try to do to maintain my health. Food is medicine and medicine is food. I try to eat natural, unprocessed food 95% of the time, whole grains, beans, peas, lentils, fruits and vegetables in season, minimal dairy, almost no meat, and lots of filtered water to try to remove plastic nanoparticles and heavy metal contaminants. That last 5% is for anything I might have a taste for, because rigid deprivation breeds rebellion and slips and binges. So I do enjoy ice cream and chocolate, in moderation. Chocolate is contaminated with lead and cadmium, which is a tragedy! And there is now synthetic chocolate… What a disaster… I like to bake so my baked goods are all homemade without added chemicals. As I’ve mentioned, sugar is a delicious addicting poison, so the less the better, especially for someone like me who is a sugar addict with a sweet tooth that won’t quit. When there is insufficient sweetness in one’s life, as there is in mine, then sugar becomes even more tempting. Sugar acts like cocaine in the brain and ice cream acts like heroin. I try savor them in moderation, which has not always been easy because they are so addicting. But it has gotten easier as I realize how toxic sugar is. I grow a large garden every year, so I eat garden produce in season. I also can and freeze my produce. Less pesticides. Food is medicine and medicine is food. An apple a day keeps the doctor away (along with another 5 daily fruits and vegetables!)
I get exercise every day to stay healthy and fit and limber. I walk, I bike, I swim. I run a farm, so sometimes I walk too much and have to sit and rest. I relax. I play the piano to listen to beautiful music. But I keep busy. The farmhouse has a basement and 2 floors, so sometimes I climb up and down the stairs 20 times in a day. It’s a lot….too much!
I try to get around 20 minutes of daily sun exposure a day and take extra Vitamin D, too. As a child, I spent a moderate amount of time outdoors, but had very few sunburns. At age 25, I was unfortunately gripped by the sun-skin cancer scare and avoided the sun for many years as much as I could, but later research shows that mild to moderate sun exposure is natural for humans and boosts vitamin D levels and inadequate sun exposure increases the risk of melanoma. Yes, moderate sun exposure lessens the risk of melanoma! The average hunter gatherer ancestor got about 20,000 IU of Vitamin D per day which equals ½ milligram or 0.50 mg. Since our ancestors were used to a half milligram of vitamin D per day, I try to get at least half that daily, which I pair with greens and/or a supplemental vitamin K to avoid excess calcification caused by too much vitamin D without vitamin K. I avoid sunburn, of course, which increases melanoma risk. But surprisingly, people who get more daily sun exposure, such as sailors or outdoor workers, have LESS risk of melanoma, and it can even appear in sun-protected areas. The outdoor workers get more basal cell and squamous cell skin cancer, but for the most part, those are fairly easily curable. And they get LESS melanoma, which often occurs in non-sun exposed areas, and is not easily curable. Mild sun exposure seems to be protective against melanoma. And vitamin D boosts the immune system and dramatically helps my dry eyes, bones, and a myriad of other functions in the body, so that is why I try to get 20 minutes of natural sun whenever I can, and take a vitamin D supplement with Vitamin K. Everything in moderation…
I have found that 15-20 minutes of natural morning light within an hour after arising without using eyeglasses seems to set my circadian rhythm so that I sleep better at night. I also take magnesium at bedtime, which also seems to help. Glasses block parts of the natural morning light and result in a circadian rhythm off kilter. As a post-menopausal lady who wakes up at the drop of a pin, I have found that my sleep is much better. I am a night owl, but I wish I were an early bird. Unfortunately, it is impossible to change. When we were hunter gatherers, the early birds got up early to guard the camp and start the day’s tasks while the night owls slept in. Then when the early birds went to sleep, the night owls took over to guard the camp during the night, so the camp was defended 24/7. So that is why early birds and night owls genetically exist. I can sleep all night and wake up tired, which takes a couple hours to dissipate. Then at 10 o’clock at night, after being up all day, I am wide awake and can leap tall buildings at a single bound! Very weird…. However, there have always been mostly early birds because only a few night owls were ever needed, so life is made for the early birds…. And we night owls have to compromise….
I also flip the breakers off to my bedroom and turn off the phone and eliminate all electronics in the bedroom at night. All that EMF disrupts sleep, damages our cells, and will increase the risk of cancer.
I live AC-free and heat-min so I am both hot- and cold-acclimated. I only sweat on about half my body, but I can handle all heat and all cold, except perhaps Death Valley. Being AC-free and heat-min is the key. I sometimes work outdoors for a short while when necessary in 90 degree heat wearing winter weight military fatigues if there are mosquitoes around or I have already gotten my sun exposure for the day! Yes, I sweat like a pig, in the parts that sweat, but peeling all that thick clothing off and jumping in the shower is heaven! Many nevus people have difficulty tolerating the heat, but that’s because they live in a cream puff, air-conditioned environment and never develop heat tolerance. To do so, simply go AC-free starting in spring and continue through the summer. Fans and open windows in the evening and shades during the day and lots of cold water and light cotton clothing are all lovely when living AC-free. Besides, AC sucks electricity needlessly, stresses the electric grid, damages the planet depending on how the juice is generated, and costs a fortune. And if/when the grid ever dies, people who aren’t heat-acclimated may develop serious health problems or even die from heat stroke or hyperthermia. AC-free is the way to go… And sweating builds character and increases the gratitude when the hot, humid summer slips into a beautiful autumn. I’ve lived AC-free in Texas and Florida. Southern Arizona would be more difficult, but that area should be returned to the desert it once was, as human life is unsustainable in areas with 115 degree temperatures. And they have no water there, either. If/when the grid breaks or the water runs out, there will be a massive chaotic exodus to get out of there and many won’t make it. Humans make a lot of nonsensical decisions, like building huge cities in the desert or huge cities like New Orleans which are below sea level. We are not a species with common sense, that’s for sure…. Common sense isn’t common.
I also live heat-min in winter with indoor temperatures at night of 52 degrees (under a down comforter or two with flannel sheets) and 62 to 65 degrees during the day. I wear lots of clothes when needed: turtlenecks, long johns, corduroy pants, hoodies, ankle warmers, wrist warmers, scarfs and finger gloves. Cotton, wool, or Thinsulate. For a while I went heat-free also. Humans need food, water, and shelter. Everything else is a nonessential luxury. Besides, it’s gratifying to know I can live well without hardly any of the trappings of life if needed. It brings freedom! It is so easy to slip into creampuffiness, but being strong, and hardy and courageous is far better.
Basically, I try to live as healthy and happy and serene a life as I can. I go as low-tech as I can. I try to manage stress in a relaxing way. I try not to sweat the small stuff, and most of it is small stuff. The more resilient I am, the better. If I’m calm and collected, both my skin and my brain have less reason to act up. I don’t care how much or how little NCM I have. If any NCM I have stays quiet, it doesn’t matter. Most health is self-care, so I do the best I can to practice good health care and good self-care.
Copyright © 2026 by Nevus Network. This chapter is not medical advice. It is a personal evaluation of the published evidence and the author’s interpretation of it. Nothing here is a prescription or a substitute for the judgment of a qualified practitioner who knows your case. Do not start, stop, or change any treatment based on anything written here, and never abandon proven care for a serious illness without competent counsel. The author is not your physician. You must consult your physician for any and all medical advice. All of this is simply one person’s opinion. Take it with a grain of salt and do your own research.
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